With a raise of the hand, a toast: "To Bacchus!"

I can get drunk off things that many people take for granted-- the sight of clouds swirling in a blue sky, a flower poking its head through a fence, the flavor of sun-ripened blackberries. The idea of simply living, experiencing the world around me, has sent me spinning. In those moments, when I realize that I am and that I've woven my everyday life into this magnificent city, I become light-headed.


There is roughly a month left of my stint with City Year. The realization of these diminishing days has left me dizzy. It isn't that I have been caught unawares, and it isn't that I'm crazy in love with the 12 hour work days with little pay… rather, only now have I become cognizance that I have made a difference in the lives of others. In this instant, I have become drunk (sans alcohol) off the idea of making a difference. (All along, I knew it was in CY’s tag line: "Give a Year. Change the World"). People would insist that we were having positive effects on these children, but I never actually felt the euphoria of “making a difference”. But now, suddenly, I'm feeling three sheets to the wind.


Now, 4 weeks left, and I ask myself, “What more can I do? How much more of an impact can I make?” It's so easy to give up those days when ignorant, uninspired people and their roadblocks get in my way. I want to push them all aside and just do what I have to do but it's easier said than done. I started tutoring math in a one-on-one setting today. We were never assigned to this role, but I have always thought it should be an integral part of our service at the school. Now that these middle schoolers have their names added to the "promotion in doubt list," and teachers give up, I have begun to push forward with this mathematical endeavor.

During a teachers’ meeting, I requested the names of those that I could pull out of independent reading in order to help them with their math. One teacher's retort was, "Well, I don't know how much you can help them. The state math test is in a few days." I replied, "Well, I think it's important for them to understand math as general knowledge--not just for the test.” That teacher's sentiment must have been similar to many of the kid’s former instructors.

"Well, I don't know how much you can help them...."

"He'll have to rely on his looks to get him through life"

"You can take him; I can't deal with him,"

"She never pays attention--too boy crazy"

"She’s so far behind, she'll just have to repeat the grade again. Luckily, I won’t be here."


When I meet a person and tell them about City Year and about the children I work with, they are in utter disbelief (WHY?). Dear reader, I beseech you to open your eyes to the world outside your own. These children are in middle school and many read and write at a 3rd or 4th grade level. They have trouble adding and subtracting let alone dealing with fractions and decimals. Where will they end up if no one gives them the time of day? Perhaps, in a newspaper--not for winning an award, getting a book published or discovering a cure for cancer, but for something regrettable. Regrettable not only for themselves, but for each person who did not try to help that child become an individual who has something to offer himself and the world he lives in.
Think about it all. Maybe one day you can get that dizzy feeling, too.